Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A day of tears

Our adoption journey continues to catch me off guard and today is one of them. We have had a month of incredibly discouraging news. There was the second lost court date, warnings from the State Department, a worsening energy crisis, utter confusion on the state of adoption in Kyrgyzstan, and Addison turning seven months old without us. I feel like I have been hit by a truck. Why today, you may be asking ??? I know exactly why and I have decided that at the end of day, the tears and emotions are OK.

First, over the last 2 weeks, I have put Addison at arms length, instead of right next to my heart. Not because I am doubting our decision to adopt her but because the thought of her not coming home was more than I could deal with. I spent the last two weeks focusing on our two perfect children, my wonderful husband and all the other precious gifts that I have been given. I have reveled in the sweet things that my kiddos say to me and soaked up all the hugs and kisses. I just breathed them in. It is not that I have ever taken my children for granted but I think that sometimes life takes over and we forget to just stop and enjoy. This adoption has occupied a lot of my emotional energy lately and it was great to stop and just smell the roses. I am a very lucky mom!

Today, good friends of ours had a beautiful baby boy, the baby that has been pre-determined to be Addison's playmate for about 9 months. I am not jealous or sad that we are not having another baby but that our baby, Addison, is not here to be part of our plans. Shortly after their call, and over a month since our last update, we got a brief email on Addison from another visiting American. She apparently looks good but is quite weak which just breaks my hurt and worries me so. Instantly, she went from being far away to next to my heart again. I can't stand the thought of her not getting everything that she needs on this earth! She needs and deserves to be showered with attention, security and all the love that our family and our friends have to offer which is a TON. Well, so much for being "strong" and realistic. That precious orphan is ours, Addison is ours and I want her home!

The tears are OK. They were tears of joy for the wonderful children that I have, including Addison, and tears of sadness because she needs to be with us now.

Maybe there will be more news "next week".....


  1. I am so hoping that it is soon that all of our babies will be home. I have been where you are, the "at arms length thing," and will pray for you. I hope that the "next week" comes true.


  2. Suzanne,
    I know you are worried about your sweet baby. Have faith that we WILL be seeing them soon and bringing them home. I like you have had my many days of tears but we are here for you and just keep praying. That is all we can do right now. I wil be keeping you, Addison, and all of the rest of the PAP's in my prayers.

  3. Keeping you and Addison right next to my heart too. I think about you guys all the time.

    Big hugs!
    April Taylor

  4. Oh Suzanne. I wish I had magic words that would make the pain go away. I wish I had the power to know when this would all be over and you could go whisk Addison out of there and home forever. I don't know, but God does, and in His time, these things will happen. He has chosen this very child for you and your family. She needs you and will be the perfect fit for your family. He will hold her in His hands until you return. In our earthly bodies, we cannot know why this delay is happening, but God knows and our faith in His power and plan HAS to be strong enough to get through this very very hard wait. You know that I pray for you (for all of you waiting) and I will continue to until those babies are home. Cry when you need to. You will, one day, look back on it and realize that given the chance to go through it all again to bring that very one home, you would. She IS the one; she WILL be home. *very big hugs*